Monday, May 19, 2014

It's simple jealousy and here's why

In the years that I have learned since being the mother of a transgender child, I've often found myself questioning what I did, how can I make it better, etc. But the only real answer to this is accept that life always brings us twists and turns that we aren't expecting. Especially when it comes to parenthood. No matter the books, the advice given to you from older generations, and social networks there is no real answer as to how to raise them. What to expect as they grow. I know I wasn't prepared to go from birthing a male child that ultimately is now my daughter.

Lately, however I have been seeing articles and other forms of conversation discussion transgender people and their rights in our society. Honestly, I can't understand where the confusion lies in why they shouldn't have the same legal, protective rights as all of us. They pay their taxes, they do their jobs, simple right? And yet, there is this stigma behind fear, lack of education, and the whole "it's against my bla bla bla".

I sat back and thought on this deeply over the past few weeks and I've boiled it down to simple jealousy.

Definition of jealousy: jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself. 

Transgender people, my daughter, they know who they are. Yes, their bodies are different than what is in their heart, but there are many of us who while we match our outward forms to our inner feelings, are so damn confused about what we want, who we should be, etc. that it must make some of us very jealous to know that they are able to connect on such a deeper level.

Not just that, but also that inner strength to come out into a world that is weak in its own right in various ways and yet they are there, going against the grain, the machine, the man. My daughter is one of the strongest people I know. She taught me true courage and a different type of parenting that I'd never have done. She only transitions in her appearance, her soul is already there. Me? I had to align my mind, my soul, and everything in between so that I could catch up to her.

How amazing is she and how much I needed to follow HER lead.

We don't like change. Majority of us as a human species and that's what we seem to struggle with in this instance. It's the same as marriage equality. These are people who want the same respect and rights as others and they know themselves. How dare they!

Somewhere inside, perhaps there is a resentment of their success and advantages because they are secure. Whereas, most of the world struggles just figuring out what the heck they're going to do when they wake up in the morning.

It's just a thought to plant in your mind. Think on it.


Thursday, April 3, 2014

I'd be mad if I were you!

I've heard this a few times and I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't in the beginning of this journey. Don't get me wrong now. I wasn't angry with Trinity. My emotions had nothing to do with her, it was due to the fear of the unknown. If I would be able to protect her as a mother should, especially now. I hated the fact that I didn't notice before, didn't listen. I was angry that I didn't have the power to make it all better.

But now, when I hear this quote or see it written on a person's face, I shake my head a smile. I have nothing to be angry about. Bigotry and discrimination, yeah it bothers me, but hey, that's a sad world for anyone to live in and I feel more pity than anger. But that's not the only reason why my fears and anger have disappeared. It's because during our lives with Trinity, we have been blessed with understanding and extremely accepting doctors.

I know many who are in transition have difficulties finding medical professionals who are willing to help them and to me, it makes no sense. That's why I am always truly grateful when we have to visit a new doctor and I have to explain to them about my daughter (her name is still Xavier), they do not hesitate or bat an eye. Sure they may talk about it behind closed doors and that's their prerogative, but when we are in their presence, they are professional and kind.

We have a great team who all work with one another. So this post is a big thank you to not just Trinity's medical team but to all the ones that give their all to helping those in the LGBT community.



There's no need for me to be mad. Not anymore because with this great team by our side, working hard for Trinity and our family, all we can think of is the positive life she'll lead as she grows older.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Just like you

You know, over the years, I've been asked some pretty interesting questions in regard to my daughter being transgender.

Queries such as:


  • What bathroom does your child go to?
  • How can a child know if they're a boy or girl?
And my favorite...
  • Why don't you just beat the right way into your child?

I know right? WTF?? Especially to that last one. But recently, I started getting a very unusual question from those who learn that I'm the mother of a transgender little girl. 

"How do you take care of it?" 

That's right. 'It'. She doesn't even get a gender. 

I'm going to lay it down in the most basic manner possible. 

She's not an 'it', she's a little girl. She's no different when it comes to teaching her anything. Taking care of her requires love, food, clothes, and ummm...yeah...more love. Simple as that. 

My daughter may be transgender, but in the end of the day, she's just like all of us. Give her the some respect. And don't call her an 'it' in my presence.


Now...because Trinity asked me to put this meme up....For the readers from my daughter with love