Tuesday, February 26, 2013

When did convenience replace parenting?

"I'm just too tired to deal with this anymore!"

We've heard it from parents. Heck, I know I've said it from time to time. I work really hard now not to, however, because, it's rude. It's hurtful, and it's untrue. At least it should be. That single statement says that, as a parent, you have given up on doing what's right by your child and decided to focus more on what works for you.

It's a call for convenience in your life and if the child in question threatens that? Well then, time to wash your hands and screw them over. Is that fair to the one person that depends on you to love and protect them? To guide them in the right direction so that they can grow into confident adults? Of course not! So when you spout those words or something similar, you're telling them, their childish ways are totally cramping your style.

I see this more and more these days. Parents wanting expecting more from those who don't know much other than what they've been taught to keep up with their lifestyle. Only to then get all huffy when said child surpasses them out of no longer trusting that parent and becoming unruly, disrespectful, pains in the tush!

Yeah, maybe parts of the media creates the newest generations of monsters we have in this world today, but so does how we respond to our offspring.

I try to look from the other side, the child's side to better understand and I know if someone I loved, like my husband for example, told me that he didn't want to deal with me because my lack of understanding the world of comic books were too embarrassing, I'd feel crushed. Not good enough for him. How do you think a child would feel? And we know that children always believe everything is their fault to begin with. Why add to that emotion?

photo credit: Pirata Larios via photopin cc

That's not a face we should ever be the cause of.

Look, I could have easily put an end to Trinity's journey from the get go. I had people ask me why I'd allow such a thing. Wasn't I worried what others would think? If I gave myself the care about what people were going to think and deny my child happiness, then that would have been me forsaking my vow as a parent to her for my own comfort. My own convenience. Anyone who does that, in my opinion, are just pitiful.

So as you read this, I want you to ask yourself:

1.  What am I or have I done in my journey as a parent that may have been for my own benefit?

2.  Did I try to cover it up and say I'm doing it for my child's well being?

3. Was it necessary for my child to have it done in the first place?

4.  Could it have waited?

5. Was it because I worried about how others would perceive me and/or my child?

6. Does it make my child happy or hinder them as a whole?

Each day I do something involving raising my children, I go through these basic questions and of course, I'll get them wrong sometimes, but I make up for it. Because in the end of the day, I decided that my need for comforts and convenience has no place in loving my children.

photo credit: Lotus Carroll via photopin cc
Yeah, that's the ticket!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Forever loved. Forever missed.

This is still hard for me to even write, let alone believe but, our family dog, our sweet girl, Reba passed away Sunday morning. She had a tumor spreading so we knew this would be something that was going to happen. Only, we were planning on getting a second opinion that we could save her from the former one stating that she was too old to help.

We couldn't give up on her in such a way, especially if there was a chance to give her a bit longer. However, I learned that life often has other plans for you and Reba knew what she wanted for hers.

On Saturday night, we noticed that Reba seemed hesitant to sleep. She wouldn't leave my side (which was normal for her) but something was off. Right before bed, I stroked her head and smiled at her. I told her we'd see her in the morning and went to bed myself.

Sunday mornings are busy. We are usually in a rush and have to leave before 10. The kids woke up first and came to us to tell us that Reba had had an accident in the living room. We cleaned it up while she just laid on the floor watching us. I went back to finish getting dressed, while my husband took Reba for her morning walk.

We live on the third floor so it's hard on anyone, let alone an old girl like her. A few minutes later, I hear my husband screaming for me and as I walked from the room, I saw him laying her on the floor. She was limp and breathing with shallow breaths. She looked at me and I just knew what she wanted.

Her family there with her as she had been for us.

I called the kids and we all sat around her, petting her. With a little smile, she took her final breath and she was gone.

She was our rescue. We got her when my second born was just over 1 years old.  Reba changed our world and she will be forever in our hearts.

We love you Reba. We'll miss you always.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I Am Enough!!

Jazz is one of my biggest inspirations for Trinity and her mother shows me that I've done the right thing not only for my transgender child, but all three of my children. From their disabilities to their tantrums, as their mom, I will never stop loving them. Never stop fighting for them.

I AM ENOUGH and I'm sorry for those that feel they can't be. Enjoy this AMAZING and POWERFUL video.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

I know my mind, do you know yours?

My whole life, I've been told how to feel, what to think, and how horrible of a human being I am. Such actions made me feel so much like a freak of nature that I gave up believing that I could be anything wonderful to anyone.

When I became a mother to Trinity, I was told, I wasn't ready to love a baby. I was told I couldn't possibly know how to care for anything so small. I wasn't smart enough.

When I wanted another child, I was told no because I can't love. I'm not good enough to the first one. My children would grow to hate me. Nothing good will come of having anymore.

When I married I was told that I could never do right by him. I'm too horrible. I'm too different. I like things that aren't normal.

And the on it went and still continues.

The moral of this little tale?

I'm a horrible person who can't love and isn't good enough. Who said this? Me? Nope (though I tend to now because I heard it so much)

People who said and say they know because they just do. I don't know, how could I possibly know what I'm thinking or feeling? That's what they're there for.

Well, this year I've declared 2013 the year of De! So don't tell me what I know or don't. I'll tell you what I feel.

I'm not a horrible person. I do know how to love those that deserve it and I'm sure as hell good enough. I see that when my daughter smiles and thanks me for giving her a better life. When my son plays his cello and the joy pours from the very music he strums. From my baby when he steals my food and grins in my face.

I know who I am. I may not always like what I see, but I know who I am and who I am doesn't concern the haters.