Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The long drive home...

Since I've started working full time, I haven't been home much. This isn't such a bad thing because the time I do get to spend at home, I cherish more than anything. My son, Lucien has taken up the cello. This left Trinity to find something to do outside the home. She picked ballet again. Now with me working, I'm able to afford some things for them so I said, "Why not?" I went to a close mom/daughter owned dance school which I had placed her in back in 2010. At the time, she didn't complete anything much, just a few months because her baby brother, Hyperion was born.

In this school, they explained the the kids were dropped off and picked up. Since Trinity was younger, this alarmed me because if she had to use the restroom, they would take her. That would mean they'd see that she was not a biological girl. I couldn't risk that kind of shock so I privately told them about her and they seemed fine about it. All was well and though she didn't finish out the dance school year, the passion stuck with her.

Fast forward two years later. I take her in today for her first night back. Trinity was very excited about this. In fact, she has been coming down with a cold since yesterday and wasn't feeling her best. I recommended to her that she stay home and we try again next week but she begged that she'd get better enough to go. So I caved and off we went. She looked so cute in her purple dance sweats and black dance shirt. Her dreads up in a side ponytail. Pure excitement for my child.

When we got there she practically flew out of the car and joined with the other girls immediately. I was all ready to leave and come get her as usual. That was until the teacher pulled me aside and said something that left my heart sinking in coldness.

"Does Trinity still have her male genitalia? Oh she does? Well then, she won't be allowed to dress in the main room with the other girls during the recital. She'll have to dress in the utility closet."

It's not surprising to say that my jaw dropped. So stunned was I that I couldn't respond and I had to go anyway. I came home immediately and contacted both Trin's gender therapist and my friends online to see if I was not wrong in my feelings of injustice for my child. I wasn't and by the time I had to go get her, I was fuming. So much so that I actually left my purse at home (oops)! I spoke immediately with the teacher, trying to understand where this sudden fear had come from. Was she concerned that Trinity would do something? Or that the other kids would maybe make fun of her? 

Either of these situations could not have happened as I would have had to be there with her during the recital and Trinity is very cautious anyway. She knows her body is different, so she doesn't need it pointed out to her. I went on to say how what they were doing was discriminatory and not only would it make the other kids and their parents wonder why my child was being isolated from the group, but possibly this decision could undermine everything her we and her therapist had worked so hard for. So long for. 

The teacher called for her mother (weird I know) and they kept repeating how they were looking out for the safety of the other children. Saftey from what? They were pretty much saying my child was dangerous. I wouldn't allow that and I knew they saw my temper rising so they came up with a solution. 

They were going to TELL the parents about Trinity!!! 

Yes, you read that right. These two women were going to out my child. I finally just said no. No thank you, took the check I paid with and left. Trin meanwhile was going on and on about how much fun she had. The more she talked, the larger the dark cloud over me grew. When we got into the car, I waited until I had pulled out of the parking lot and started what normally is a 10 minute drive, but felt like eternity, drive home.

Me: Trinity?

Trin: Yes? *cough cough. sniff*

Me: When we get home, you're getting tea and into bed. But that's not what I wanted to say. Trin, you won't be going back to the dance school.


Trin: Why? I did all my steps right and everything.

Me: Because, sometimes people have a hard time accepting things. But don't worry, daddy and I will put you in a new school. One that's very loving and caring.

Trin: So, it's because my body got all mixed up. Isn't it?

Me: *sighs* Yeah baby. I'm sorry.

Trin: Me too.

The rest of the drive was in silence but even in our quietness with Lu's gentle humming in the back row, the loudness of the whole unfair situation saturated the interior. I wish I could make this go away. I know it sound like I'm saying I don't love Trin the way she is. That's not true at all. I just hate knowing the prejudice that will come with this path given to her.

All we can do, honestly, is continue to love and support her. And fight those bigots whenever they decide to show their disgusting faces. There is no good in not accepting anything in life. None at all. Because all it does is hurt one party and makes the other look like an asshole.

I've thought about this for awhile and as Trin gets older, things are going to start really happening. There are also transgender friendly places that cost quite a bit. I think now, I'm going to add a "Donate" button to this blog. Anything can help. A little penny. She saves now herself, as do we, but any support can go a long way.

To all of those who continue to read this journey, thank you for your love. Trinity couldn't have made it this far without any of you. Nor could I.


momto5 said...

((hug)) to you and trin. such a sweet soul. those jerks.
you are wonderful mama.

Caz said...

That's all kinds of disgusting. It would never be there place to share that information with other people. It sucks that they were such unsupportive asses that couldn't figure out that a little child is not a sexual predator because she was born with incorrect genitalia ffs.

I DO see one tiny positive...not much consolation.. but the DID at least ask if SHE still had HER male genitalia. It wasn't too long ago (and hell, in some places it hasn't happened yet) that they would have refused to call Trinity HER at all. It sucks... but I guess baby steps?