Thursday, November 17, 2011

If Darwin could see me now

Today, my husband and I watched an episode on transgender teens and children that came on the Anderson Cooper show. It was riveting and done in such a great manner that many talk shows of today lack. I couldn't have imagined feeling so much pride as I had at that moment. But then it got me to thinking. Most of us parents who are living with a child who has come out as transgender have gotten our fair share of negative comments, rude and snarky. In the beginning, it's hard not to take those comments lightly. Hell, even as the years pass and the parent is packed with proper research and information, the negative responses can come as quite a surprise if caught off guard. I still get my moments of "wait, what?" when I am asked something that seems left field. And now I do understand a bit, why I'm asked and was asked such strange, ignorant questions. Because some people, not all, but some, still can not fathom why I supported my small, innocent, mindless child to take on such a complicated decision for her life. I have one word for that. One word for how I gathered up the strength, in a world of criticism to help my daughter along this journey.


Trinity has been telling us that she was a girl since the moment she could speak coherently, at the tender age of three. Like the parents seen on the talk show, we asked our pediatrician about it. Asked her why our child was dressing up as a girl, playing with dolls more than trucks, and saying she was a girl (Note: It is one thing to saying "I want to be a girl" and "I AM a girl"). And our reply was that it was a normal male behavior. Not to worry. Well, if you've read the earlier posts of this blog, you would see that a time came when we did have to start growing concerned and find the right people to help us make a drastic choice for our child. I remember still, the therapist asking me if I would rather have a happy little girl or a dead little boy. I still get chills from that and honestly, the decision was pretty damn simple. But, the thing was, she already knew she was a girl, already knew who she was. It was my husband and I, our family, that had to change. Not her. I, her loving mother, had to begin my evolution. I had to adapt to losing my son and gaining my daughter in a span of a day.

Now the most important thing anyone should know about life is that it is never cut and dry. I thought, the day I was told I was having Trin, then Xavier, that I would dress her in blue, play with trucks and cars, sports with dad, the stereotypical stuff. And when that changed, I had to as well. I had my cry eventually, but then I couldn't cry anymore. As parents, we adapt to change, or at least, we should, but as moms, our evolution is paramount for both our family's and our happiness sanity.  So I evolved in my understanding for such a controversial topic to a world that still doesn't understand. Wouldn't Darwin be proud!

As years pass, more challenges will come up. Hormones, surgery, lost relationships. I will hold her, wipe her tears, deal with her anger at the unfairness of it all and I will adapt. I will feel frustrations come up from my own inability to make life better for her, but I will grow from them. And when she's grown and living her own life, I will watch from afar. A new person than I was before she came into my life. I will be a being of higher understanding, eternal love, and a kick ass child who helped me help a world (the small one I have reading this blog) evolve along with me.

1 comment:

momto5 said...

wonderful, beautiful. it is so amazing the journey we take as parents, and how to be the best parent for our child we have to grow and change and just be open to who they are and who they will become and love them no matter what. you are a great mama and an inspiration. <3