Trinity has been telling us that she was a girl since the moment she could speak coherently, at the tender age of three. Like the parents seen on the talk show, we asked our pediatrician about it. Asked her why our child was dressing up as a girl, playing with dolls more than trucks, and saying she was a girl (Note: It is one thing to saying "I want to be a girl" and "I AM a girl"). And our reply was that it was a normal male behavior. Not to worry. Well, if you've read the earlier posts of this blog, you would see that a time came when we did have to start growing concerned and find the right people to help us make a drastic choice for our child. I remember still, the therapist asking me if I would rather have a happy little girl or a dead little boy. I still get chills from that and honestly, the decision was pretty damn simple. But, the thing was, she already knew she was a girl, already knew who she was. It was my husband and I, our family, that had to change. Not her. I, her loving mother, had to begin my evolution. I had to adapt to losing my son and gaining my daughter in a span of a day.
Now the most important thing anyone should know about life is that it is never cut and dry. I thought, the day I was told I was having Trin, then Xavier, that I would dress her in blue, play with trucks and cars, sports with dad, the stereotypical stuff. And when that changed, I had to as well. I had my cry eventually, but then I couldn't cry anymore. As parents, we adapt to change, or at least, we should, but as moms, our evolution is paramount for both our family's and our
As years pass, more challenges will come up. Hormones, surgery, lost relationships. I will hold her, wipe her tears, deal with her anger at the unfairness of it all and I will adapt. I will feel frustrations come up from my own inability to make life better for her, but I will grow from them. And when she's grown and living her own life, I will watch from afar. A new person than I was before she came into my life. I will be a being of higher understanding, eternal love, and a kick ass child who helped me help a world (the small one I have reading this blog) evolve along with me.