Thursday, February 4, 2010

What would YOU do?

I had an interesting conversation with my sister asking me if I thought I would ever change Trinity back to a boy and I am honest to say I was stunned. why anyone would think that a parent would purposely change their child's gender, knowing the trial and tribulations that child would face as adults.

But it allowed me to explain to her how my child was depressed, suicidal, and overall a wreck in school, with family, and friends (though she had none). And to this day, I am not ashamed of standing back and allowing my then 4 1/2 year old child to make the ultimate choice (along with therapists, pediatricians, and neurologists) of living as the little girl she kept saying she was.

My sister, and many others in my family, are still certain this is a phase, but Trinity will be 7 this year and did start living as a female before she turned 5. So, I can honestly say that this is not a phase. Especially since she had been saying she was a girl since starting preschool at 3 years of age. So in fact, it is almost 4 years of her knowing her gender.

The statement, that followed this long discussion, was "I know if it were my child, I wouldn't be able to do it." But I don't quite believe that. I've been told that as parents we're supposed to teach and guide our children, protect them from harm, etc. But you can not "teach" or "guide" gender, and if you want to protect from harm, have the thought of protecting your child from themselves also apart of that? My child was close to hurting herself, so I protected her from her own hand. I protected her from harm.

Yes, I am here to teach and guide my children. I am their mother. But I am also here to stand back and listen because sometimes, they guide and teach me. Trinity has taught me the greatest thing of all. She taught me that courage isn't just for the big and strong. But that it can come from the smallest voice and youngest soul.

So my question is, what would YOU do if faced with the situation I faced. Would you take the stand to protect and help your child, even if it hurt you or didn't seem something you could agree with? Or would you sit back and let your own fear create you own child's demise?

1 comment:

mamachrista said...

My husband and I have always said that we will raise our children to believe that no matter what their sexuality, it's normal and okay. We bring our daughter to Pride every year and our unborn daughter will go as well. But the thing I always said that I would struggle with the most, is if they were transgendered. Now, don't get me wrong, I would support my girls 100% and love them and they would never see me waver from that but I just can't fathom the pain I would feel to see my daughter whom I'd raised as such transition into a boy. What would I do? I'd support her or him 10000% without a doubt but as you've said in your previous posts, there would be some extreme mourning going on.

You're an extraordinary woman because while there are us parents out there who would do it, unfortunately, there are more who wouldn't ever allow it. ::hugs:: to you and your strength and the strength of your family.